Lately I feel like something just isn't right with me. Well its not really been lately but pretty much ever since Quilon was born. I really think that I suffered a little bit with postpartum depression right away but this is different than that. I am really not sure how to explain it let alone put it into words. I guess one way to put it is that I feel like I am PMSin all the freakin time. I am just overly emotional, crabby, and stressed ever so much more than I have been in my freakin life. I wouldn't say that I am depressed cuz I am not sad just annoyed all the time.
Some of you might be thinking how is this different than any other time. Well.....It just is!!!! Like I stated I can't explain it. But let me tell you Seth knows. Poor guy! And you might be thinking Raychel you are stressed because you have 2 overly active boys, been living with people other than your own family for the past two years, just bought a house, and your overly organized self isn't organized. And yes that is all true but I am finding myself more frustrated about things that I don't think I would normally freak about. And mind you I do freak out easily normally but now it is worse.
I mean does it really matter that the spaghetti stains don't come out of the bibs to just get put right back on there. Or does it really matter if Ike's bed gets made or not.....nobody goes up to his room but me. Or that you have ONE pile of papers that haven't been filed yet. Does it matter that the floors have to vacuumed after every meal just to get filled back up with food again. Or the fact that there might be two loads of laundry to do instead of one.
NO it doesn't. But I of course freak out over theses things lately. The part of me that likes everything perfect is taking over me. I can't stop it. I need help!!! I think I am going crazy!!! Not really but you know what I mean. But because of this I am stressing my self out and its not needed. Oh what do I do?!?
Ray, I would like you to know that what you wrote is exactly how I have been feeling lately. Would you please call me next week so that we can share some life stressing adventures together. My cell # is 937-292-2682 if I don't answer just leave me a voicemail with your number. I have 2 overly active boys too, and feel that I haven't been myself lately either. Depression...thought I was having problems with it but then realized that that wasn't it either. Plus moving is like #2 most stressful thing to go through in life. Call me, I think it might be nice for the both of us to know that someone else is going through this too and that you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself a break, Sister! You have experienced several BIG life stressors all at one time. But also remember that one symptom of depression that sometimes gets ignored is an underlying anger that never goes away. You could very well be experiencing post partum depression. It doesn't manifest itself the same way for all people.
ReplyDeleteBut most of all having friends who are going through the same thing as you really helps.
Hang in there! It does get easier.